Nearly a decade ago, I heard a former vice-president of a big American tech business speak. He explained his view that the key to success in life was to express your analysis of what’s going wrong with brutal honesty.

I have certainly seen people being put in charge of projects through this imperious approach. It makes some people think you know what you are talking about. But it usually leads to a backlash in the end. It’s profoundly short terms as it leads to conflict and an unwillingness of others to be helpful.

Needless to say, Paul, writing in Ephesians 4, thinks Christians should have a different approach. He says:

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

What’s the basis of his advice? He gives because he believes Christians should “live a life worthy of the calling you have received”. We should be gentle because Jesus himself is gentle.

Indeed, If we go back to Matthew 11:29 (NIV), we hear Jesus say:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

A yolk, of course, ties to animals together so they can better pull a load. So just as Jesus helps us through gentleness to find rest, we should emulate this gentleness when dealing with others.

Now gentleness might seem very odd. Some view it as a form of weakness, and while we’re at it, Paul’s call at the same time for Christians to show humility rather clashes with a lot that society teaches us.

The internet encourages a lot of peacocking – people showing a curated, brilliant life on social media. There’s evidence that this is contributing to a rise in depression as the viewers of this selectively edited peacocking think their lives are inferior. It also creates an environmental and financial cost, for example, in the needless shipping (and subsequent return) of items of clothing, used for people to model online.

Meanwhile the so-called online disinhibition effect encourages people to behave online without the constraints. Hence, we get the anonymous twittermobs attacking people with words they’d (probably) never say to someone face-to-face.

Now Paul, here in Ephesians 4, isn’t just making a general point that Christians should be gentle and humble. He’s also saying that it’s important for the culture of the unity of church.

“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace,” he says. In other words, we should avoid fractious debates over theology and aim for our discussions to be irenic.